My Heart Said No, My Hands Said Yes

I travelled to Kenya again and honestly, I’m grateful. I saw the hand of God in this trip in ways that still make me smile. What a joy to ask and receive so quickly.

Before I left, I told myself something very simple:
No souvenirs for everyone this time.
Just a few specific people.
Clear boundaries.
Clear plan.

But the moment I went out, that plan started shaking.

I saw beautiful things.
Thought of people who would love them.
Bought a few items for my new apartment.
And after that first unplanned stop, I told myself, “Grace, no more.”

Then I teturned to my hotel… and the Maasai Market was right there.
Conveniently.
Strategically.
Suspiciously.

I warned myself again:
Window shopping only.
Self‑control.
No spending.

But the moment I stepped in, I saw things I liked.
Things I had already bought but now at cheaper prices.
And before I knew it, I was buying again, haggling, smiling, getting overwhelmed, and trying to escape the sellers who were very smooth with their persuasion.

At some point, I found a guy who seemed calmer, so out of niceness I asked him to walk with me while I looked around. In my mind, he would help me resist the pressure.

Instead, I kept buying.
Making friends.
Being friendly.
Being “kind.”

At one point I even asked him, “Why aren’t you helping me say no?”
He said, “I work here. I can’t spoil their business.”

Fair enough!

By the time I left the market, I was carrying bags and asking myself the real question:
Did I buy these things because I needed them, or because I couldn’t say no?

The next day at the airport, I repeated the same warning:
No buying.
Just window shopping with my colleagues.

But then I remembered the souvenirs I actually planned to buy.
And the cycle started again.

My colleague tried to hold me down.
I gave excuses.
She tried again.
I gave more excuses.
Eventually, I bought the last item.

On the plane, I remembered the two electronic devices I had budgeted for.
Duty‑free came around.
I asked for one.
My colleague called me out immediately.
I defended myself again.
Then I consciously gave myself a condition that if the device does not meet a specific requirement, I would not buy.
And FINALLY I didn’t buy it.

I felt partial relief.
But also wondered how I would get the device later because I genuinely needed it and still need it. 😏

Looking at my bank account now, I wish I hadn’t spent so much.
But I also don’t regret everything.
There is joy in giving.
There is joy in blessing people.
But not at the expense of my financial peace.

So here’s my truth:
I struggle with not shopping.
I struggle with saying no.
I struggle with being “kind” at the expense of myself.

Self‑control is a fruit of the Spirit, but it’s also a muscle and mine is still growing.

What about you?
What do you struggle with?

With growing self-control,

HerSplendidThoughts